Rocky Raccoon and The Captain's Oreos

Let's start out with the smug anti obesity/anti sugar tirade.

Sugar is bad and will make you grossly obese.  Oreos contain huge amounts of sugar and therefore will make you grossly obese.

I did not purchase the Oreos since I have been a good boy and only had one desert and/or sugary thing in the last month.

But, that did not stop the evil raccoon from seeking me out for a late night terror raid with multiple visits.  And yes, the evil raccoon was after Oreos!

If you look at this first photo, you will see the subject brown circular evil sugar pills sought by the evil raccoon.  You will note that this table where the Oreos are prominently offered to any wild, foraging, half-crazed animal seeking a cheap sugar high is only four feet from my humble bunk.

 Last night, in Clifton Municipal Marina, (near historic Clinton, Tennessee - don't ask what is historic, no one seems to know) I was awakened by a rustling noise, stock my head out of my sleeping bag, and noted a large evil raccoon fumbling with the "adult proof" wrapping on the equally evil Oreos.

Although I will still half asleep, my indignation rose immediately and I shouted:  "Get the hell out of here, John, Chuck, there is a huge raccoon on the boat!"  At which point, the evil raccoon, foiled in his attempt to contract Type II Diabetes, made a leap toward the cockpit and apparently exited through the half-unzipped enclosure flap.

After things settled down a bit, we all went back to sleep.  Or, at least tried to.

But, I knew that the Oreo-perp would likely return and kept my "I'm on watch and can't really fall asleep" level of sleep deepness.

Sure enough, he returned in about an hour.  I heard a thump, realized that he was not in the cabin or cockpit and was then startled by seeing his evil eyes  staring at me in the darkness.  He was staring at me through the small side htach (window) over the cookstove. Again, I screamed epithets with an escalation to something like:  "Get out of here, you sonabitch".  He ambled away and I realized that he was moving forward on the port deck so I lept up and went into the cockpit.  He came around to the starboard side and stared at me icilly - nearly eyeball to eyeball in the darkness.

Apparently, my stare was much more icy  and he ran off down the dock.

But, he was to return for one more visit.  This time, he was looking in the same window.  As we stared at each other, I noted that his evil face was getting closer and only then did I realize that the hatch was open and he was attempting to squeeze through it.

Now, my racoon rage was unmatchable and I screamed:  "Oh hell no, get the f*** out of here, you bastard" and he immediately made a mad dash for the dock and freedom.

I got up and dogged down the hatch.  A feeling of peace and accomplishment came over me.

Not only did I save the Oreos so, ultimately, Chuck could have the sugar related health problems, but I saved a wild animal from the need for insulin injections.